theturningaway
If we make it, we can all sit back and laugh.
Some rules and a schedule.
1. No food past 10pm.
2. Only drink water
3. No seconds. AKA: only fill the plate once.
4. Aim to get to the gym at least 4 days/week
Gym:
500 cal cardio on weight days
700 cal cardio + abs on off days.
So, I'll try this for 2 weeks and see what happens. Hopefully something does. Sometimes I'm good when I get home, but sometimes I'm really bad, so eliminating food past 10 pm saves anywhere from 200-800 calories a day. Sticking to water can save 100-400 calories a day. Not going for seconds on the days I have time to sit at a table and eat can save anywhere from 150-800 calories. After 2 weeks I'll reevaluate.
2. Only drink water
3. No seconds. AKA: only fill the plate once.
4. Aim to get to the gym at least 4 days/week
Gym:
500 cal cardio on weight days
700 cal cardio + abs on off days.
So, I'll try this for 2 weeks and see what happens. Hopefully something does. Sometimes I'm good when I get home, but sometimes I'm really bad, so eliminating food past 10 pm saves anywhere from 200-800 calories a day. Sticking to water can save 100-400 calories a day. Not going for seconds on the days I have time to sit at a table and eat can save anywhere from 150-800 calories. After 2 weeks I'll reevaluate.
No Jumps - For joy.
?
Control is back now, well, more than it has been. I really need structure and order. I let things get disorganized way too fast. These small improvements are really helping. I feel like everything is getting back on track.
Classes started this week. I may not have all my books yet, but so far, everything seems to be going smoothly in that department. Once I get the hang of efficient time management I should be all set. That's ironic, because as I'm typing this, I'm wasting time. Hah.
I've finally admitted to myself that my job is not to please others. The things that are important need to come first because they need the most effort on my part. School is way up there this time around. I need to make up for last semester, and hopefully do well this term. It's going to be a lot of work, but I need to be confident that I'm capable of everything as long as I'm willing to take the time and do the work I need to do to do well. That means most of my week consist of doing school work. When I'm not doing that, I'll be with Hugh, at work, sleeping, or in the car.
To-do lists are going to be pretty important. I almost feel embarrassed that I need a full page in a notebook to accommodate everything, but in addition to homework and project, I have errands and other notes to self and a lot of busy days.
I'm going to try to complete the BBC Italian course while I'm in 246. I need all the practice I can get. I've always wanted to learn a second language, here's my chance. Maybe when I get comfortable with this one, I'll try for a third. If I make sure I set aside the time to do it and stick with it, there's no reason why I can't
The weight issue seems to be slowly but surely getting under control. I've been keeping a food journal and approximate point values for everything. I believe I get 22 or 23. I should check that out to make sure it's right. Once things calm down a little bit and there is evidence of a routine, I'm going to start working out again.
Here are some reasonable goals, based on the finicky bathroom scale.
Current: 174.8
Feb. 28: 165
March 31: 160 or below
April 30: 155 or below
End of Semester: 150 or below
Beginning of Summer: Not look gross in a bikini or some sort
My long term goal, then, is to be back to my old weight by the last day of finals. The ultimate long term goal after that is to maintain the weight. When I get to where I want to be, it isn't an excuse to stop. I should be able to maintain with an occasional slip up or two, because no one is perfect.
Starting Monday, the 4th, I'm going to add some extra exercise. Even if it's only a little bit, it's better than nothing at all. Since I don't get any, anything is better than nothing. I'll start writing that in my food journal as well.
Classes started this week. I may not have all my books yet, but so far, everything seems to be going smoothly in that department. Once I get the hang of efficient time management I should be all set. That's ironic, because as I'm typing this, I'm wasting time. Hah.
I've finally admitted to myself that my job is not to please others. The things that are important need to come first because they need the most effort on my part. School is way up there this time around. I need to make up for last semester, and hopefully do well this term. It's going to be a lot of work, but I need to be confident that I'm capable of everything as long as I'm willing to take the time and do the work I need to do to do well. That means most of my week consist of doing school work. When I'm not doing that, I'll be with Hugh, at work, sleeping, or in the car.
To-do lists are going to be pretty important. I almost feel embarrassed that I need a full page in a notebook to accommodate everything, but in addition to homework and project, I have errands and other notes to self and a lot of busy days.
I'm going to try to complete the BBC Italian course while I'm in 246. I need all the practice I can get. I've always wanted to learn a second language, here's my chance. Maybe when I get comfortable with this one, I'll try for a third. If I make sure I set aside the time to do it and stick with it, there's no reason why I can't
The weight issue seems to be slowly but surely getting under control. I've been keeping a food journal and approximate point values for everything. I believe I get 22 or 23. I should check that out to make sure it's right. Once things calm down a little bit and there is evidence of a routine, I'm going to start working out again.
Here are some reasonable goals, based on the finicky bathroom scale.
Current: 174.8
Feb. 28: 165
March 31: 160 or below
April 30: 155 or below
End of Semester: 150 or below
Beginning of Summer: Not look gross in a bikini or some sort
My long term goal, then, is to be back to my old weight by the last day of finals. The ultimate long term goal after that is to maintain the weight. When I get to where I want to be, it isn't an excuse to stop. I should be able to maintain with an occasional slip up or two, because no one is perfect.
Starting Monday, the 4th, I'm going to add some extra exercise. Even if it's only a little bit, it's better than nothing at all. Since I don't get any, anything is better than nothing. I'll start writing that in my food journal as well.
No Jumps - For joy.
?
A few new things, just for fun.
I've done this a few times and never really bothered to go through with it. Maybe I'll keep it simple this time.
Tomorrow feels like a good day to start fresh, today offered some closure. I have one less thing to worry about this month.
There are a few things I'd like to try out, starting tomorrow.
Vaguely, I'd like to show myself more accurately. I'm being stupid again, and not letting myself care. It's starting to bother me now.
I have a lot of potential, and I waste it. I'm not stupid and I'm not atrocious looking. I'm also not a terrible person. I'd like to show more proof of these things.
The vague goal I suppose would be 'to be a better person' or perhaps a more accurate version of myself.
Apparently, according to Ghandi, happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are all in harmony. I think this is true, and I'd like to get to this point. Feeling hypocritical most of the time really dampens your mood.
I may be doing things in a strange order, but I'm happy with what's going on. I'm with someone who cares, we've bought a house, we're going places and doing things. It's exciting.
I guess beginning tomorrow, and for the upcoming year, I'd like to get back on track.
I know I'm not stupid.
I can be pretty when I try.
I'm an okay person, overall.
I'd like some focus back. It's frustrating to intentionally do things that you know are harmful or stupid. I know a lot of the things that go in my mouth probably shouldn't, but I do it anyway, and now I'm huge. Anyway, that's just an example. I'm terribly long-winded.
Be healthier in all aspects.
Care about school. It's important. I'm lazy.
I would like to lose 20-25 pounds. I liked the quick start with south beach. Maybe I'll try that again, but do a phase "1.5" and be a little less restrictive. As that comes off, I'd like to start exercising regularly again, and get my eating habits back in line. (This goes along with a desire to cook more, etc, but whatever)
I'd also like to really be passionate about my studies. I like my linguistics classes, and the Italian, and I really think that I would be happy as a teacher. I'd love to be fluent in another language, and Italian is so expressive.
I want to learn more patience. My temper hurts me and everyone around me. Little things that shouldn't bother me really do get me going and it takes me ages to chill out again.I suppose what I'm really after is more balance in my life.
I've done this a few times and never really bothered to go through with it. Maybe I'll keep it simple this time.
Tomorrow feels like a good day to start fresh, today offered some closure. I have one less thing to worry about this month.
There are a few things I'd like to try out, starting tomorrow.
Vaguely, I'd like to show myself more accurately. I'm being stupid again, and not letting myself care. It's starting to bother me now.
I have a lot of potential, and I waste it. I'm not stupid and I'm not atrocious looking. I'm also not a terrible person. I'd like to show more proof of these things.
The vague goal I suppose would be 'to be a better person' or perhaps a more accurate version of myself.
Apparently, according to Ghandi, happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are all in harmony. I think this is true, and I'd like to get to this point. Feeling hypocritical most of the time really dampens your mood.
I may be doing things in a strange order, but I'm happy with what's going on. I'm with someone who cares, we've bought a house, we're going places and doing things. It's exciting.
I guess beginning tomorrow, and for the upcoming year, I'd like to get back on track.
I know I'm not stupid.
I can be pretty when I try.
I'm an okay person, overall.
I'd like some focus back. It's frustrating to intentionally do things that you know are harmful or stupid. I know a lot of the things that go in my mouth probably shouldn't, but I do it anyway, and now I'm huge. Anyway, that's just an example. I'm terribly long-winded.
Be healthier in all aspects.
Care about school. It's important. I'm lazy.
I would like to lose 20-25 pounds. I liked the quick start with south beach. Maybe I'll try that again, but do a phase "1.5" and be a little less restrictive. As that comes off, I'd like to start exercising regularly again, and get my eating habits back in line. (This goes along with a desire to cook more, etc, but whatever)
I'd also like to really be passionate about my studies. I like my linguistics classes, and the Italian, and I really think that I would be happy as a teacher. I'd love to be fluent in another language, and Italian is so expressive.
I want to learn more patience. My temper hurts me and everyone around me. Little things that shouldn't bother me really do get me going and it takes me ages to chill out again.I suppose what I'm really after is more balance in my life.
No Jumps - For joy.
Direction.
I keep wanting to hurt things. Right now I'm sitting here in tears and it's the best thing I can do. I can feel everything hanging off of me again. All those feelings from before. The ones I thought were gone. I just want to let it all leak out. I can't find a healthy or constructive way to deal with it. I want to smash things, to break things, to vomit, to hurt myself, to just drive aimlessly. Maybe I'll just sit in the shower and cry, then not sleep, No, wait I'll sleep on the front hall, on the couch, as far away from everything as possible. and then, tomorrow, I'll wake up, not talk, clean up the house for the showing. Ask if he wants to be woken up. Remind him the house is being shown, but secretly, I don't care, and I almost hope that he is still lying in bed, asleep, with an erection, when the realtor gets here. Then, I'll drive home, not eat anything, let him take the car to work. Take a nap, do homework, distract myself, go running, and swimming to purge some of this excess.... weight, emotion, stress, hate, whatever it is. Then, I'll just come home, not eat anything, distract myself some more, Get stoned and pass out.
Tuesday, I suppose I'll wake up and do the same thing. I guess I can just be quiet and pretend to be happy. I can just channel all my negative energy into not flunking my classes. Into all the studying, research and homework I've put off and done a poor job on because of everything else that's going on. When I'm not close to failing all of my classes, maybe I'll feel a bit more human. Hah, it almost makes me want to get up early, and go swimming.
God, I hate my body. I can feel it getting bigger all the fucking time and I do nothing to control it. I hate how I miss that one summer, the time when I felt my absolute worst but, aside from my eyes, I looked my best. It makes me wish I liked taking pictures a bit more. I have none from the good times and none from the bad times. I haven't completely lost it yet, and it hate that pinching a finger, and wondering if I should go and vomit. I don't want to start either of these cycles. I know they're bad, I know they're hard to stop. I know I'm teetering on the edge of something, a hole that I don't want to fall down.
Tuesday, I suppose I'll wake up and do the same thing. I guess I can just be quiet and pretend to be happy. I can just channel all my negative energy into not flunking my classes. Into all the studying, research and homework I've put off and done a poor job on because of everything else that's going on. When I'm not close to failing all of my classes, maybe I'll feel a bit more human. Hah, it almost makes me want to get up early, and go swimming.
God, I hate my body. I can feel it getting bigger all the fucking time and I do nothing to control it. I hate how I miss that one summer, the time when I felt my absolute worst but, aside from my eyes, I looked my best. It makes me wish I liked taking pictures a bit more. I have none from the good times and none from the bad times. I haven't completely lost it yet, and it hate that pinching a finger, and wondering if I should go and vomit. I don't want to start either of these cycles. I know they're bad, I know they're hard to stop. I know I'm teetering on the edge of something, a hole that I don't want to fall down.
No Jumps - For joy.
UnLoad
What I love:
Intelligence.
Humor.
Everything seems to come so easily to you and for you.
You can do things with your hands.
You just let things go.
You can be open.
You show your emotions- all of them. Not just the negatives.
Your faith in everything going right, eventually.
You work so hard to provide for me. I guess because I can't always see it firsthand, I don't really see what you do for me and for us.
You don't let silly things get to you.
You're happy, most of the time.
You find humor in most things.
Your patience and even temper.
Your ability to put up with me. I really don't know how you do it, and that alone is enough to appreciate everything else.
You can cook, well.
You like kids.
The way your eyes see.
How you fit, how we fit, like a puzzle. The way my head fits into your chest, and your body curves around mine, how your arms always find the right spot. If I could stay in those moments, I would be ecstatic. Those are the moments I feel the most peaceful, refreshed, positive, happy and content. It's a place where nothing else matters but now and now isn't a desperate futile grasping at straws trying to make sense of what's going on. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel wanted.
Things that I hate:
I can't open up.
I only really show negatives. It makes sense to me to follow the logic of "if something is said, then it's wrong" For me, not saying anything means everything is ok. I'm (slowly) starting to realize that everyone needs reinforcement for the good they do, whatever it is, reglardless of its impact.
I don't always feel sincere giving compliments. Maybe it's because they're foreign to me. The compliments, not the sincerity.
I can't see myself the way others see me. That disparity is like a thorn.
I can't let things go, lose things, lose myself and just have a good time.
Most of the time I'm only "okay". I wish my more dominant emotion could be happiness rather than ambivilance.
I wish I was more vocal about my desires. Sometimes I think that they'll sound silly.
It seems I'd rather stay in my shell and have people think I'm cold and flat than just let it all go and really feel- everything, the pain and the joy. I only let myself feel the pain. If nothing hurts then everything is fine.
I know that the things that set me off are insignificant, and stupid and the way I react to them is completely irrational, but I still do it.
We act like roomates instead of an engaged couple. Is everything getting old? Can we let it fall apart like this? I'm not saying this to spring back from yesterday. When you said we're not making any progress, it made sense to me. I've been thinking similar things lately. We seem to be on a plateau. We need to go somewhere, forward or backwards. That's up to us to decide. Maybe I'm being idealistic, but when I picture the future, I see only good things. I probably am, because when I get cynical about it, I see all of the bad. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but in response to your question last night, where I am right now, when things get rough, I tend to distance myself because I don't want to be hurt. As a result, I hurt others with my absence and the guilt hurts me. I could've, should've been there and dealt with it. I can't hide forever. I don't want to think about my parents dying. Sometimes I'm still a little girl inside and think mommy and daddy will be forever. I know they won't, but I don't like spending time pondering that. I don't want to think about perhaps one of our kids being sick. I would be floored, and distraught, as I'd assume any parent would. And, I suppose, as parents do, they would have to get their shit together, and keep things going. Put on a good, strong front I guess, and don't let anyone catch you down. Keep plugging away, because dwelling on such matters only makes them worse. I'd rather enjoy the time I have with a sick child or loved one than spend all my time staying away trying to avoid the inevitable. Knowing that their days are numbered and mine are not, it would be atrocious on my part to abandon someone on their last legs to avoid facing myself. Abandonment is bad enough, but to be disregarded so close to death is inexcusable my efforts not get hurt myself, I'd be hurting them even more by creating that distance. It takes more strength to stay than it does to go, and I admire those who can do that. I want to be one too. Right now I'm a fountain of youth and everything is forever.
I'm afraid that things are going downhill. Sometimes I don't know where are, what's going on with us or what we're doing. It scares me. Do we have a future? I want one, but I don't know if I'm grasping at straws and letting my inability to quit override logic. I hate quitting. The unknown is foreign. You're the only man I've ever really known, and I'm happy with that. I'm glad to know you and I'm glad to have you in my life.
I guess there are ups and downs to everything, but my lack of experience probably exacerbates this. I've made a pretty big jump and sometimes I question how ready I was for all of this. I've grown up a lot in the past year, and while it may not be visible to you, i've noticed. I've learned a lot and experienced a lot and I want to grow for you. Am I just afraid to be alone after so long? Is it because I don't know where I would go?
Is this too good to be true?
I don't want you to walk on eggshells anymore. It's not ok, and you don't deserve 3/4 of the shit I give you about things that are completely unimportant. I hate how I treat the people I love like shit and will be a saint to a perfect stranger.
In the next 5 years I want to be:
Content, peaceful, settled. Happy with whatever my situation is at the time. I'd like a couple kids. A house. A garden. Maybe another pet? A big yard.
I need to stop doubting myself.
You were right, and you still are. Worrying really doesn't get anyone anywhere. It makes much more sense to just act.
Is this how things are supposed to go? I want the beginning back. Why does bliss have to be so fleeting. Is love really blind?
I hate what gets lost in translation or added on the way to my ears. When you say the person someone finds when they're ready to settle down mean just that, or is it loaded. Were we in the right places at the right time, am I a thing of convenience? Do you really love me? What is love. Am I capable of it? Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes I don't want it, sometimes I need to know that someone cares.
Is this helping or hurting. Are we helping or hurting?
I don't know how to show you that I care. I make simple things complicated and for that I apologize.
Sometimes this feels like a chore, but then I look at the picture of us on the fridge, and see that something is there. We need more of those.
Intelligence.
Humor.
Everything seems to come so easily to you and for you.
You can do things with your hands.
You just let things go.
You can be open.
You show your emotions- all of them. Not just the negatives.
Your faith in everything going right, eventually.
You work so hard to provide for me. I guess because I can't always see it firsthand, I don't really see what you do for me and for us.
You don't let silly things get to you.
You're happy, most of the time.
You find humor in most things.
Your patience and even temper.
Your ability to put up with me. I really don't know how you do it, and that alone is enough to appreciate everything else.
You can cook, well.
You like kids.
The way your eyes see.
How you fit, how we fit, like a puzzle. The way my head fits into your chest, and your body curves around mine, how your arms always find the right spot. If I could stay in those moments, I would be ecstatic. Those are the moments I feel the most peaceful, refreshed, positive, happy and content. It's a place where nothing else matters but now and now isn't a desperate futile grasping at straws trying to make sense of what's going on. It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel wanted.
Things that I hate:
I can't open up.
I only really show negatives. It makes sense to me to follow the logic of "if something is said, then it's wrong" For me, not saying anything means everything is ok. I'm (slowly) starting to realize that everyone needs reinforcement for the good they do, whatever it is, reglardless of its impact.
I don't always feel sincere giving compliments. Maybe it's because they're foreign to me. The compliments, not the sincerity.
I can't see myself the way others see me. That disparity is like a thorn.
I can't let things go, lose things, lose myself and just have a good time.
Most of the time I'm only "okay". I wish my more dominant emotion could be happiness rather than ambivilance.
I wish I was more vocal about my desires. Sometimes I think that they'll sound silly.
It seems I'd rather stay in my shell and have people think I'm cold and flat than just let it all go and really feel- everything, the pain and the joy. I only let myself feel the pain. If nothing hurts then everything is fine.
I know that the things that set me off are insignificant, and stupid and the way I react to them is completely irrational, but I still do it.
We act like roomates instead of an engaged couple. Is everything getting old? Can we let it fall apart like this? I'm not saying this to spring back from yesterday. When you said we're not making any progress, it made sense to me. I've been thinking similar things lately. We seem to be on a plateau. We need to go somewhere, forward or backwards. That's up to us to decide. Maybe I'm being idealistic, but when I picture the future, I see only good things. I probably am, because when I get cynical about it, I see all of the bad. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but in response to your question last night, where I am right now, when things get rough, I tend to distance myself because I don't want to be hurt. As a result, I hurt others with my absence and the guilt hurts me. I could've, should've been there and dealt with it. I can't hide forever. I don't want to think about my parents dying. Sometimes I'm still a little girl inside and think mommy and daddy will be forever. I know they won't, but I don't like spending time pondering that. I don't want to think about perhaps one of our kids being sick. I would be floored, and distraught, as I'd assume any parent would. And, I suppose, as parents do, they would have to get their shit together, and keep things going. Put on a good, strong front I guess, and don't let anyone catch you down. Keep plugging away, because dwelling on such matters only makes them worse. I'd rather enjoy the time I have with a sick child or loved one than spend all my time staying away trying to avoid the inevitable. Knowing that their days are numbered and mine are not, it would be atrocious on my part to abandon someone on their last legs to avoid facing myself. Abandonment is bad enough, but to be disregarded so close to death is inexcusable my efforts not get hurt myself, I'd be hurting them even more by creating that distance. It takes more strength to stay than it does to go, and I admire those who can do that. I want to be one too. Right now I'm a fountain of youth and everything is forever.
I'm afraid that things are going downhill. Sometimes I don't know where are, what's going on with us or what we're doing. It scares me. Do we have a future? I want one, but I don't know if I'm grasping at straws and letting my inability to quit override logic. I hate quitting. The unknown is foreign. You're the only man I've ever really known, and I'm happy with that. I'm glad to know you and I'm glad to have you in my life.
I guess there are ups and downs to everything, but my lack of experience probably exacerbates this. I've made a pretty big jump and sometimes I question how ready I was for all of this. I've grown up a lot in the past year, and while it may not be visible to you, i've noticed. I've learned a lot and experienced a lot and I want to grow for you. Am I just afraid to be alone after so long? Is it because I don't know where I would go?
Is this too good to be true?
I don't want you to walk on eggshells anymore. It's not ok, and you don't deserve 3/4 of the shit I give you about things that are completely unimportant. I hate how I treat the people I love like shit and will be a saint to a perfect stranger.
In the next 5 years I want to be:
Content, peaceful, settled. Happy with whatever my situation is at the time. I'd like a couple kids. A house. A garden. Maybe another pet? A big yard.
I need to stop doubting myself.
You were right, and you still are. Worrying really doesn't get anyone anywhere. It makes much more sense to just act.
Is this how things are supposed to go? I want the beginning back. Why does bliss have to be so fleeting. Is love really blind?
I hate what gets lost in translation or added on the way to my ears. When you say the person someone finds when they're ready to settle down mean just that, or is it loaded. Were we in the right places at the right time, am I a thing of convenience? Do you really love me? What is love. Am I capable of it? Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes I don't want it, sometimes I need to know that someone cares.
Is this helping or hurting. Are we helping or hurting?
I don't know how to show you that I care. I make simple things complicated and for that I apologize.
Sometimes this feels like a chore, but then I look at the picture of us on the fridge, and see that something is there. We need more of those.
No Jumps - For joy.
Tags: 
gah
gahEverything is not my fault
I am not disgusting
Contrary to what I believe, I do, in fact, have worth and meaning.
I am not useless.
I am not pointless
I am not the cause of everything that's wrong in the world
I'm pretty.
Someone loves me, and I love them.
I quit thinking and looking in mirrors. I guess I should look in your eyes and try to see out of them.
I am not disgusting
Contrary to what I believe, I do, in fact, have worth and meaning.
I am not useless.
I am not pointless
I am not the cause of everything that's wrong in the world
I'm pretty.
Someone loves me, and I love them.
I quit thinking and looking in mirrors. I guess I should look in your eyes and try to see out of them.
No Jumps - For joy.
*sigh*
Ok, so I'm seceretly a bitch, as is quite apparent in these entries. It may have more to do with the mood I'm in when I tend to write, and that is typically irritated. Words seem to tumble out better that way. If things are quiet, things are going well. If not, well, that's when you'll hear about it.
Maybe a positive update for once:
We still have a roof over our heads, despite regular bouts of unemployment.
We are not in debt.
We have taken a loan, and can afford the monthly payment
We get by without credit cars.
We have no payments on cars, etc.
We really don't have much more than we need, and honestly, that's all we can afford, although, the addition of car insurance is a bitch. Rent, electricity, internet, phone, and now, car insurance.
I do hope he gets real, stable, long-term work soon. We can't keep living like this, 3 weeks with a decent paycheck, 3 weeks without. I don't make much with my hours and pay to keep us going until my summer job begins in the middle of June.
I'm successfully beginning to uphold my end of the no smoking deal.
Apparently results are being seen, and they are apparently pleasing, so I will continue. It's much easier than I thought. I just need to get into a summer routine, one that I can keep until late August or early September. Hopefully by then it will be maintainence more than anything else, and I won't necessarily have to devote the long hours I'll need to do now.
Maybe a positive update for once:
We still have a roof over our heads, despite regular bouts of unemployment.
We are not in debt.
We have taken a loan, and can afford the monthly payment
We get by without credit cars.
We have no payments on cars, etc.
We really don't have much more than we need, and honestly, that's all we can afford, although, the addition of car insurance is a bitch. Rent, electricity, internet, phone, and now, car insurance.
I do hope he gets real, stable, long-term work soon. We can't keep living like this, 3 weeks with a decent paycheck, 3 weeks without. I don't make much with my hours and pay to keep us going until my summer job begins in the middle of June.
I'm successfully beginning to uphold my end of the no smoking deal.
Apparently results are being seen, and they are apparently pleasing, so I will continue. It's much easier than I thought. I just need to get into a summer routine, one that I can keep until late August or early September. Hopefully by then it will be maintainence more than anything else, and I won't necessarily have to devote the long hours I'll need to do now.
No Jumps - For joy.
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